TWO types of dough rising... Passover MUST be over :)
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Whoops
Well, I didn't do a very good job with #blogexodus. I'm definitely glad I made the attempt though! This sad little blog just doesn't seem to go anywhere. How do professional bloggers do it?
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
#blogexodus - 7 - Redemption
This doesn't quite fit for redemption. But I'm putting it here anyway. This is a gift for a friend who doesn't accept gifts. A gift for a friend who recently helped us, both with time and presence, during a very difficult and ongoing-ly difficult time. I certainly hope she likes.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
#blogexodus - 5/6 - Slavery/Freedom
I missed yesterday's #blogexodus. I was just so without inspiration. But, yesterday's topic on slavery actually seems to match well with today's topic: Freedom.
Graduate school, for me, will be freedom. I'm so tired of everyone talking about graduate school as enslavement. I get it. Ph.D. students have a lot of work today. Okay, okay, A LOT of work to do.
A LOT.
Really, though. Learning all long. And teaching. And reading. How is that not more freeing than working a 9-5? The chance to live one's entire life, constantly learning and striving for further, deeper understand... how wonderful.
Now, if I could only decide I where I want to be freely enslaved for next year. (Yes, yes, you'll be the first to know... after my husband. And my family. And my friends. And Facebook.)
PSST! Do you know about #blogexodus and #exodusgram? You can learn all about it from Rabbi Phyllis... basically, it's a topic everyday leading up to Passover. See all my #blogexodus posts here or my #exodusgram here.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
#blogexodus - 4 - Cleaning
It's amazing to me how quickly one can break a habit... and how easily it is to do it. I remember hearing once that it takes at least seven times, but likely closer to thirty to create a habit (don't quote me on that...). But it seems like it takes only once to break a habit.
I miss one day of vitamins; it's nearly impossible to get back in the habit. I miss one day making coffee at home, and I quickly fall back into the bad habit of buying it and splurging on fancier more expensive drinks.
So too, has it been with music. My entire life for seven years of undergraduate and graduate school was hour upon hour of clarinet. And I was so careful with cleaning that instrument. Swabbing, oiling, greasing, brushing teeth before playing, keep the reeds nice. But now, my life is different. I'm moving away from performance and closer into academia. I'm balancing my love of musicking about music with languaging about music.
So I stopped myself today, just for a moment when I was about to put my instrument away today after teaching a lesson. In that moment, I was rushed. I just wanted to get going to my next activity. I nearly put the instrument--which I so devotedly cleaned for so many years--away dirty and unswabbed... a potentially dangerous situation that can result in cracking, warping, and other scary things that bane the lives of wooden instrument owners in cold climates.
I checked myself. Reminded myself how much I do love my clarinets, even though they're not my constant companion anymore in the same way that they used to be. And the care that they deserve. So I cleaned. I shined. I polished.
I'm not ready to break that habit anytime soon. I hope I never do, just as I hope to keep music.
I miss one day of vitamins; it's nearly impossible to get back in the habit. I miss one day making coffee at home, and I quickly fall back into the bad habit of buying it and splurging on fancier more expensive drinks.
So too, has it been with music. My entire life for seven years of undergraduate and graduate school was hour upon hour of clarinet. And I was so careful with cleaning that instrument. Swabbing, oiling, greasing, brushing teeth before playing, keep the reeds nice. But now, my life is different. I'm moving away from performance and closer into academia. I'm balancing my love of musicking about music with languaging about music.
So I stopped myself today, just for a moment when I was about to put my instrument away today after teaching a lesson. In that moment, I was rushed. I just wanted to get going to my next activity. I nearly put the instrument--which I so devotedly cleaned for so many years--away dirty and unswabbed... a potentially dangerous situation that can result in cracking, warping, and other scary things that bane the lives of wooden instrument owners in cold climates.
I checked myself. Reminded myself how much I do love my clarinets, even though they're not my constant companion anymore in the same way that they used to be. And the care that they deserve. So I cleaned. I shined. I polished.
I'm not ready to break that habit anytime soon. I hope I never do, just as I hope to keep music.
PSST! Do you know about #blogexodus and #exodusgram? You can learn all about it from Rabbi Phyllis... basically, it's a topic everyday leading up to Passover. See all my #blogexodus posts here or my #exodusgram here.
Monday, March 26, 2012
#blogexodus - 3 - Learning and Teaching
In this blog's most recent re-incarnation, my first post discussed how my students couldn't put Jewish values into words. I set out, with this blog, to write about Jewish values.
I barely made in a few posts. I don't know what this blog is about anymore. It's sort of about life, it's sort of about Judaism, it's sort of about music... and then it's also about everything else.
Have I mentioned that I'm going back to school? Yes! Three schools have accepted me into their doctoral programs... two turned me down. They were my first rejection letters. I remember getting them and feeling a bit numb inside. Rejection? What's that? It was a such a strange, strange feeling. I'm so, so, so very excited to return. To discuss. To learn.
Learning is part of who I am. A big part. Luckily, it is also a part of living a Jewish life. The value that is put on learning, both Jewish learning and secular learning, is so wonderful. We can boast scholars in Talmud and Beethoven, doctors who can leyn Torah, and clergy who play jazz. We're a special, learned group. Sometimes, I think, to our own detriment.
Along with learning, I am trying to teach myself to say, "No." I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to decline things. I feel guilty, even when someone asks, "Yes or No." Yes seems like the only right answer. But, we spread ourselves so thin sometimes. I know that I certainly do.
I barely made in a few posts. I don't know what this blog is about anymore. It's sort of about life, it's sort of about Judaism, it's sort of about music... and then it's also about everything else.
Have I mentioned that I'm going back to school? Yes! Three schools have accepted me into their doctoral programs... two turned me down. They were my first rejection letters. I remember getting them and feeling a bit numb inside. Rejection? What's that? It was a such a strange, strange feeling. I'm so, so, so very excited to return. To discuss. To learn.
Learning is part of who I am. A big part. Luckily, it is also a part of living a Jewish life. The value that is put on learning, both Jewish learning and secular learning, is so wonderful. We can boast scholars in Talmud and Beethoven, doctors who can leyn Torah, and clergy who play jazz. We're a special, learned group. Sometimes, I think, to our own detriment.
Along with learning, I am trying to teach myself to say, "No." I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to decline things. I feel guilty, even when someone asks, "Yes or No." Yes seems like the only right answer. But, we spread ourselves so thin sometimes. I know that I certainly do.
PSST! Do you know about #blogexodus and #exodusgram? You can learn all about it from Rabbi Phyllis... basically, it's a topic everyday leading up to Passover. See all my #blogexodus posts here or my #exodusgram here.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
#blogexodus - 2 - Hametz
We're getting a new oven. Our current one is junk, and a new one is coming. Right in time for Pesach. So close to Pesach, in fact, it's just being installed and immediately becoming K-for-P. This is a problem...
When I'm stressed, I bake.
When I'm sad, I bake.
And this past year, there has been a lot of baking.
That said, a lot of really fun, ridiculous, creative baking (as evidenced on The Challah Blog which gets 10 fold the hits I get here). But what I neglect to talk about is sometimes this longing, this need that I have to create. To take simple, seemingly hopeless ingredients like flour, water, and yeast (and sometimes eggs, honey, and chocolate chips) and make them into something real. Some tangible. Something nourishing.
I have to believe that's really what life is all about... taking small, meaningless little things and fitting them together into a greater whole. A little muscle, a little elbow grease, a little kneading into shape and you have something so much greater... something worthy of a bracha... a blessing.
And that's the end goal. Through darkness, there is light. Through hopelessness, which seems to cloud everything, again there is light and a blessing.
When I'm stressed, I bake.
When I'm sad, I bake.
And this past year, there has been a lot of baking.
That said, a lot of really fun, ridiculous, creative baking (as evidenced on The Challah Blog which gets 10 fold the hits I get here). But what I neglect to talk about is sometimes this longing, this need that I have to create. To take simple, seemingly hopeless ingredients like flour, water, and yeast (and sometimes eggs, honey, and chocolate chips) and make them into something real. Some tangible. Something nourishing.
I have to believe that's really what life is all about... taking small, meaningless little things and fitting them together into a greater whole. A little muscle, a little elbow grease, a little kneading into shape and you have something so much greater... something worthy of a bracha... a blessing.
And that's the end goal. Through darkness, there is light. Through hopelessness, which seems to cloud everything, again there is light and a blessing.
PSST! Do you know about #blogexodus and #exodusgram? You can learn all about it from Rabbi Phyllis... basically, it's a topic everyday leading up to Passover. See all my #blogexodus posts here or my #exodusgram here.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
#blogexodus - 1 - The Narrow Places of Mitzrayim
Sometimes, I feel like much of the past 19 months of my life has been lived with blinders on. With a singular, focused, and ultimately completely unattainable goal in mind. Keep going, just keep swimming.
I've become nearly a slave to this goal, this life event, this powerful, biological longing, yearning, and aching. And it hasn't happened. For 19 months. And it's not going to happen anytime soon, unfortunately. Not until all the magic of medicine helps the stars align as they're supposed to do.
I'm a slave to it. There are whole websites, books, forums, and blogs dedicated to being a slave to it. And, honestly, I don't always mind being a slave. Perhaps it's a self-selective slave. I could just accept that it's medically impossible at this moment, move on, and know that it'll happen one day once the necessary surgeries, drugs, and endless appointments have done their job. But ignoring something has never been who I am.
I'm a person who never just learns something. I'm a person who learns EVERYTHING about it. I'm not a person who just let's things happen. I make change happen.
And this is so out of my hands. I hope I have the courage to keep going.
I've become nearly a slave to this goal, this life event, this powerful, biological longing, yearning, and aching. And it hasn't happened. For 19 months. And it's not going to happen anytime soon, unfortunately. Not until all the magic of medicine helps the stars align as they're supposed to do.
I'm a slave to it. There are whole websites, books, forums, and blogs dedicated to being a slave to it. And, honestly, I don't always mind being a slave. Perhaps it's a self-selective slave. I could just accept that it's medically impossible at this moment, move on, and know that it'll happen one day once the necessary surgeries, drugs, and endless appointments have done their job. But ignoring something has never been who I am.
I'm a person who never just learns something. I'm a person who learns EVERYTHING about it. I'm not a person who just let's things happen. I make change happen.
And this is so out of my hands. I hope I have the courage to keep going.
Kol haolam kulo gesher tzar meod. Veha'ikar, veha'ikar. Lo lefached, lo lefached klal.
PSST! Do you know about #blogexodus and #exodusgram? You can learn all about it from Rabbi Phyllis... basically, it's a topic everyday leading up to Passover. See all my #blogexodus posts here or my #exodusgram here.
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